There is just something about me that makes people not want to talk to me. I really, truly do not know what it is.
I have friends. I think most of them even like me (as opposed to being friends out of convenience... "hey, our kids are friends, I guess I'll talk to you at the playground."). I don't remember a time in my life when I was friendless.
But I also don't remember a time in my life when I was approachable.
You know those people who will start up a conversation in the line to check out at the grocery store? Or in elevators? Or in classes?
I'm not one of those. And apparently this aura of "I don't want to talk to you" is so completely obvious that nobody talks to me, either.
Sometime back in high school, I remember looking around a crowded room that was very noisy. I noticed, in a somewhat detached manner, that I was the only person in the room not contributing to the noise.
Now, I'm not shy. Anybody who knows me in real life can attest to that, and even some who only know me via the internet. But I just wasn't a part of the noise.
Ever since that day, I find myself constantly noticing this. Large, noisy rooms, in which I am the only one not contributing. I am the only one not talking to somebody.
I am currently enrolled in a Masters program, and one of my classes in a real, live, traditional college class (the other is online, thank goodness. this kind of awkwardness isn't nearly as obvious from behind a screen). In this class, there are about a hundred students every week. When we go to break, everybody talks to somebody. And, inevitably, the person on either side of me will turn their backs to me and talk to the person on the other side of them. I overhear conversations of introduction, or small talk between people who obviously don't know each other.
I'm just not sure what it is about me that screams, "DON'T TALK TO ME!"
And it is obviously in all-caps, because that's what screaming is. Duh.
But seriously. Does anybody else experience this?