Today, I gave up.
It's not that I've never given up before, because I have. I gave up Girl Scouts when I was twelve, the saxophone when I was eighteen and voice lessons before they ever really started. I gave up soccer and softball and painting and woodworking. I've given up on nearly as many hobbies as I've ever started (all hobbies ever started - the ones I gave up = the three I have now)
It's just that I've never given up on something important, something that mattered.
Today, for the first time in my life, I had to drop a class for non-medical reasons. I am simply not keeping up.
There are a lot of reasons.
First, I enrolled in three classes this semester. Last semester I took two and it went really well. So, of course, I thought "I CAN DO MORE!!!"
Second, the online system lets you enroll in "overlapping" online classes. Meaning, you can enroll in two or more Monday night classes, since the classes don't technically meet. I inadvertently did this. My other class is a live on-campus class that meets Tuesday morning. That means all my work needs to be completed on Monday nights, for all three classes.
My husband is gone all day Monday, which means I can't work on school stuff that day. I don't do school work on the Sabbath, so Sunday is out. So my work all has to be done Saturday night. Fine... except that my husband is also gone all day on Wednesday, I host preschool co-op on Thursdays, and OH YEAH, I homeschool and run a house full of three little boys. Friday and Saturday only to do all my work? Not happening.
I ordered the book the week my financial aid came in. The guy never shipped it. Eventually, I cancelled the order, placed a new one and waited again. That guy never shipped either. I cancelled the order, went to the (*@$#&$^# bookstore on campus and paid way too much for the book, two days after the return window expired. The one I ordered online arrived the following day.
Yes. I now have two copies of this book.
But these means I didn't get the book until after the third week of class had already started. Which meant I missed the first two assignments and had to scramble to catch up the third.
And it just snowballed from there.
Three days ago, I looked at my remaining assignments and realized I had no idea what she was even asking for in one of them. Of course, it was the one that constitutes thirty percent of our final grade. But it doesn't matter. I've been scrambling to catch up in this class, and I haven't succeeded. I've been getting poor grades on the assignments I've been able to finish, and missing more than I want to admit.
So that's it.
I gave up.
I withdrew from the course. The cutoff for withdrawal is Tuesday, so it won't count against my GPA or put me on Academic Probation or anything, but it still sucks.
I hate feeling like a failure.
But I have learned some important lessons from this, and that's what matters, right? Right?!
Please tell me I'm not alone... please tell me you've quit stuff, too.